Well Intentioned Commentary

Im feeling a little terrible about any time in the past that I may have offered a pregnant friend any advice. I'm sure I'll make a post about the inappropriate questions and advice I get all the time in the near future. (Because my breasts seem like an open forum topic for strangers now that i have a bump.) But today I'm feeling irritated by the well-intentioned comments I've been receiving a LOT as of late. Example: Just today I was walking around the mall shopping for some clothes that will still fit me in a month, when a saleswoman that I have never seen before approached me, took in my whole look and said "you look tired." Well...thanks? The worst of it is that I thought I was looking pretty fly today. I had put on real pants (it's really tough to reject my sweatpants when they never struggle to get up over my thighs, butt or belly) and even a real bra and cute top. I was feeling pretty confident for about three seconds. Apparently to the outside world I did not look fly or composed or nice. Just...tired. I wanted to say "thanks! Perfect! Just the look I'm going for, exhausted!" Never mind that I actually AM tired. ALL THE TIME. I am spending energy physically creating another human being. I can't sleep well between the discomfort in my hips, bouts of insomnia, anxiety, random leg cramps and having to get up and pee several times a night. But gosh I'm glad this lady felt the need to point out that I'm looking beat down and fatigued. I wish I could say that this is the only time I've had a comment like that thrown at me, but it's not. The further along I get in the pregnancy, the moore people seem to find it acceptable and expect me to be gracious when they say something that no one would dream of saying to a woman who isn't lugging around a fetus. Even aquantances and friends are guilty of the well-intentioned comment. My personal favorite? "Wow, you really poppped. You're getting bigger and bigger!" Imagine if you said that to your female friend who wasn't preggers. Would you expect her to smile and nod and get excited? Would you ever have even said it? I'm horrified that people expect me to be elated about the idea of gaining weight, swelling, bloating, jeans no longer fitting, stretch marks and discomfort of having my organs squished around while someone literally kicks me from the inside while I'm down. Don't misunderstand. I'm excited for this baby. Every day I remember that this is a tiny version of my husband and myself mixed together who's going to rock my world and I can't wait to meet him. But the pregnancy itself, I could have skipped that for sure. It's a worthwhile struggle and I'm willing to rise to any occasion he throws at me, but I find it grating on my patience that people demand a positive reaction to their thoughtless comments. Every time someone gives a shitty comment I'm reminded that no matter how hard I tried that day to look good the first thing people feel the need to point out are the negatives. Yes, I know that my breasts got bigger. I'm the one struggling every day to contain them in a bra. I have had to buy new bras twice now. Running is already hard when I'm pumping double my blood volume, so add trying to strap down a huge rack on top of that and it's a nightmare. So you don't have to point them out. I am also aware that I may be waddling a little on occasion. I don't need to hear "ooh you're waddling already!" Yeah, I got it. Sometimes it's from hip pain and sometimes its from having crushed legs because I haven't stopped lifting even though I don't lift as heavy now. I know I can't stop the comments and it's not worth making my friends feel bad telling them how shitty they just made me feel by pointing out the obvious. Still, I can bitch about it here and tell the internets that it's annoying and crappy and I really want to punch people in the face when they do it. Then I can say "wow, that looks like it hurts...and you're bleeding." Just so they know, in case they didn't feel it happen.